tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38047991424768968872024-02-20T00:12:54.509-08:00Deaf DadDeafDadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01755156758712714673noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3804799142476896887.post-70807440658589018122012-09-10T12:11:00.001-07:002012-09-10T12:11:15.393-07:00Where is he?
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">One
problem we have is sometimes locating Harry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As we can’t hear his movements, we don’t have a clue where he is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time is spent scouring the house calling out
his name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes he appears, other
times he hides thinking it’s a game and grinning widely when he is found by exasperated
parents.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">However,
one time, my wife Jane was vacuuming in the front room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Harry loves watching the vacuum cleaner, in
fact he is infatuated by the machine and will spend much time clambering over
it and generally acquainting himself with its surface and dimensions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jane stopped the cleaner to talk to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whilst we were talking, there was a growing
awareness that Harry was missing his favourite activity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We began to wonder where he was. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We shouted his name and looked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more detailed rummage through the house
both upstairs and downstairs and in the garden drew a blank.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was close to that time where puzzlement
starts turning into anxiety and concern.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Then,
with the search at a more heightened pitch back in the front room, I looked
through the window that connects the front room with the hallway leading to the
outside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I instantly spied a </span>head bobbing up
and down in a frenzied manner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We opened
the door and a sweaty, hysterical little boy fell into his Mum’s
arms sobbing with a mixture of relief and frustration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It turned out that Harry had gone into the
front hallway area, and then closed the door on himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately at the time he didn’t have
enough strength in his hands and arms to open the door again independently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I
can’t imagine what was going through his mind when he heard us moving around
but without responding to his frantic screaming and pleadings for us to open
the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jane thinks he was locked in
there for just five minutes, but we honestly don’t know how long it was for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m just pleased that he’s too young to remember
that little incident and that he quickly settled down after much cuddling and
soothing from his parents.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
DeafDadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01755156758712714673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3804799142476896887.post-33110519771026382742012-09-05T12:08:00.000-07:002012-09-05T12:08:04.048-07:00Yes Please
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Harry has
finally got around to stringing two words together verbally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His first was “Yes please” which he
enunciates with much face pulling and expression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He refuses to say any more, which is typical
of his independent streak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
despite much encouragement and suggestions of other pairings with the “yes”
word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a grudging admiration for
his free thinking though, as he knows what he is supposed to be doing but has
decided to perform it at a pace of his own choosing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least he is going to be a polite little
boy.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
DeafDadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01755156758712714673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3804799142476896887.post-36611264804006992892012-09-05T12:07:00.000-07:002012-09-05T12:07:02.688-07:00Green Eyed Monster
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I thought I’d
kick off this blog and discuss an issue that isn’t talked about much in the Deaf
community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fact is that jealousy from
hearing siblings towards their Deaf brothers or sisters has a really big impact
on family relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems that
some hearing people resent the extra “attention” that their Deaf siblings
receive from their parents, this animosity can carry into adulthood and wreak havoc
on the kinship structure.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">This subject was
triggered by a friend who visited recently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Somehow the topic turned to the dynamics within family structures for
Deaf people and their hearing relatives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Bear in mind that the majority of Deaf are born to people in hearing
families and normally never meet any other Deaf people within their family structure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our friend told us all sorts of upsetting
stories about the treatment that was meted out to her by her siblings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had been kept in the dark about family
events like parties and not invited until the last moment to important
milestones such as a baptism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because of
the different communication needs of Deaf people, it is really easy to cut them
off from what is going on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just make a
few phone calls rather than using text based communication or social media and
you’ve just exercised your power to exclude your sibling from a family event.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is exactly what happened to our friend, who
only found out about one social event as it was mentioned on Face Book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">From a Deaf
person’s perspective, the jealousy over the extra attention is really
unfair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We didn’t choose to be Deaf.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The extra support was absolutely essential,
in order to compensate for all the barriers that are thrown our way by a
hearing world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what our parents were
doing was absolutely right and we are grateful for their support.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Many years
ago, I worked with a wonderful CODA, who was brought up by Deaf parents in
Wales during the 1940’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would regale
me with these wonderfully textured stories of his upbringing that embraced his
parents’ Deafness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One story he told me was
about how he would greet his hearing uncle with a cheery “hello” on the street,
only to be completely ignored.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being a
stubborn person, he persisted in acknowledging his uncle, despite the lack of
response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he was much older,
another uncle explained to him that the lack of response was because the
hearing uncle resented the extra attention that the CODA’s father had received
as a child because he was Deaf.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">We have a
similar experience, in that there is a sibling who talks really quickly on
purpose at family gatherings, even though it is really obvious that we can’t
follow what is being said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is just
one small example for us personally, but I think I’ve spent sufficient time
making the point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">So what has
this got to do with being a Deaf Dad?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, this toxic soup of resentment and envy from siblings has a direct
impact on young Harry’s relationship with his wider family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He fortunately doesn’t understand that his
cousin wasn’t able to attend his second birthday because of a “dispute” that
was directly motivated by the green eyed monster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also missed his cousin’s party, because
apparently he was “too young” to attend the function that was organised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His cousin doesn’t seem to have been told of
our hearing disability and becomes confused when we make any reference to
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It saddens me that the resentment by
some adult siblings towards us within the family networks spills over and affects
Harry’s relationship with his cousins and also wider family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in the future, I am not sure how I will
explain the situation to Harry if he becomes aware that the conduct of family members
towards him and us is somehow not quite right and starts asking some difficult
questions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
DeafDadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01755156758712714673noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3804799142476896887.post-18440572692885947102012-08-15T14:33:00.000-07:002012-08-15T14:34:51.386-07:00IntroductionI'm a Deaf dad with a two year old hearing son. I wish to remain <span style="background-color: white;">anonymous and Harry is not my son's real name. This way, I can blog in a more honest style without worrying about what other people think.</span><br />
<br />
Before Harry came along I worried incessantly about being a father. I think a lot of dads-to-be fret about the added responsibility and wonder how their lives will be changed when they have a child to look after and bring up.<br />
<br />
I actually hoped that our first one would be a girl and was amazed when it turned out to be a boy. The moment I saw Harry as a new born I know that everything would be OK. He would fall asleep on my chest for hours as a baby, with his wee legs tucked up under his chest. This dad to son contact really helped us bond during the first few months. Both Mum and I knew that Harry would be hearing, as he would kick in Mum's womb if he heard a loud noise<br />
<br />
Harry is now two and I just couldn't imagine life without him. One thing that I now understand is that parenthood is universal. Harry doesn't perceive me thought the prism (or should that be prison?) of my deafness like many hearing people, instead he accepts me as his father. That is both liberating and also in a funny way quite terrifying.<br />
<br />
What I am going to do in this blog is describe how I cope with being a Deaf father attempting to raise my hearing son. My role is very different from most fathers, as I have to raise Harry to become a fully participating member of the hearing world that he will one day join as an independent adult. Most parents bring up their children to embrace their culture or key aspects of what is important to them. In my case, I am in a minority group and have to raise my son to be part of a community that I can never join, the hearing community.<br />
<br />
I prefer to communicate with Harry via oral speech, same as his Mum. I do know sign language and sometimes use sign with Harry. The only reason we talk to Harry is that speech was our first language. Even though I am oral Deaf, I still strongly identify as being in a minority group with its own language and culture. <br />
<br />
Harry is what is called a Child Of A Deaf Adult, or CODA. Here is a wikipedia link that describes the CODA experience: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_of_deaf_adult">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_of_deaf_adult</a><br />
<br />
It is interesting to see that many CODA's share common experiences about being in between two cultures, even if the household they grew up in was oral or signing. Harry is part of a special group, hearing yet with Deaf parents.<br />
<br />
I hope you enjoy the stories to come.<br />
<br />DeafDadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01755156758712714673noreply@blogger.com0